Being tall is often noted as a good thing.

Lovely long legs - check
Can spot me in a crowd - check
Can kiss a man without a yellow pages - check

But I often see it as a bad thing. Well, maybe not bad but awkward. I love being tall don't get me wrong. My friends and family know I embrace it, wearing heels everyday. Every single day. The thing is, I wear heels all the time because I actually I just don't like flats. Due to my lengthy body, I have long thin feet and when I wear flats I unfortunately resemble a clown, especially with my unusually skinny ankles.

So I don't always see myself as tall but lanky, a giant if you will.

I like my long legs but they are rudely interrupted by my nobbly knees, which are actually slightly inverted... Only a little. Note I do not look like those with inverted knees on Google images. I swear.
They also have this tendency to not fit in any trouser or jean. My disproportionate hips and waist mean jeans are a struggle anyway but the length of my legs... well.. let me put it this way.

When I went to a genetics doctor (long story) she measured all of me including my legs. I finally found out what the length of my leg was on this odd day. She measured, went to write it down, paused, looked at me completely befuddled and measured again in pure disbelief. Maybe this was to do with the fact my legs didn't look as long as they turned out to be but even so... it was a double take that I didn't need.

Finding jeans to fit me is not hard, it's just expensive and I am sure shorter people have this problem but when shorter and buying 'normal' jeans you do have the option of folding. Folding is a heavenly gift to all you shorties out there. For girls like me, 'normal' jeans are simply half mast.

Primark do now do lengths, but in limited styles and stores. Meaning the search still goes on for affordable jeans in my size and in the style I like. And that is not be being fussy, I just don't want a pair of those ugly jeans which I would have willing bought 10 years ago and shouldn't have.

Other awkward tall things include getting into the back of your mates car. Now also applies to my mums and brothers car. As a bus wanker I am often getting lifts of people and it seems everyone has a 3 door car these days. I can;t complain, I am getting a lift but you could at least spare a thought because lets face it, watching my arse clamber in and out of the back of your car is not something you want to see.

Another awkward tall situ I recently became victim to was ridiculously low ceilings. Upon drunkenly stumbling into the ladies at a bar the other night, I bee-lined for the end toilet as I always do. I banged my head. Then I realised the ceiling was one of those slantly roof because we are in a loft conversion ceilings and on the back of the door there was this handy sign that said PLEASE MIND YOUR HEAD. Bit late for that but thanks guys.

In the end I guess I love being tall, for some reason it adds to my wildly interesting character. But goddammit, the struggle is real.

handshaking

When are handshakes appropriate?

For a guy it seems like it's always okay but for a woman only in a professional situ will you see us shake hands. Is that right? I don't know.
I do know, that they aren't appropriate next to the broccoli on a Sunday in the supermarket.

See I have this tendency to misread situations. Not vocal situations or sarcasm or anything like that but physical situations. Let me explain...

I always find myself asking questions like 'Are we going to hug now or would that be weird? Will it be weird cause I am at least a foot taller than you?' I swear I can't be the only one with this problem! More often than not when I hear my inner voice repeating these questions over and over in potentially awkward situations. I always pick the wrong option and end up in a warm embrace with a cardboard cut out of the person that once stood before me.

Back to handshakes, this one time, not in band camp but in my local Morribobs, I was with my mum, brother, niece and sister in law doing a quick basket shop. My and my brother were browsing in the veggie aisle when we saw mum talking to some strange woman. We quickly realised we both knew her face but didn't actually know who she was - often the case with mum's friends. My brother pointed out he thought she was an old neighbour, which seemed right but we soon discovered he was wrong.

Mum came over to us with this not-so-strange woman, grinning ear to ear, and I found myself utterly perplexed, thinking 'Who are you?!' So mum starts introducing her to my sister in law and niece then as she points to my brother with a proud smile the woman gestures towards him with her hand, she does the same to my neice and then my mum starts to talk about me and this familar faced lady turns to me.

I start to panic, feel my palms sweat, mum hasn't said her name, am I supposed to know it? Her arm is still stuck out and suddenly I see this arm by the side of me, hand going towards hers. I realise it's mine but it's too late, I'm already shaking her hand.

One sweaty handshake later, she says her hellos and goodbyes, coos at my niece and walks off. I look around at my family to see sheer bewilderment. Them all waiting for me to explain my actions. Turns out she has known me since nursery and she is the mother of my best friend through primary school.

Wait, what just happened?