New ventures into madness

Happy Friday kids and welcome to another rant/thought of mine.

I've entered this week into a new challenge - a challenge in every sense of the word.

I am beginning study for my masters degree this week. Whilst I embark on this intensive one year course which is in essence going to make me a master in something, I'll also be working part time at the ever intensive job I have as a PR exec where I manage my own accounts and have my boss looking over my shoulder like a hawk.

So that's where I'm at. Honestly when I came up with this plan, I had no doubt I'd smash it out of the park. Sure people did this kind of thing all the time to support themselves I thought I was actually kind of a genius.

Then I went to my induction...

Everyone is a graduate for one thing. All 20 odd d them are fresh faced grads from mostly academic and media courses. I am studying advertsing basically and did marketing as my undergrad and myself and another girl with the same hair cut and colour as me and some gorgeous Brazilian fashionista who studied PR seem to be the only ones with a clue about marketing.

That gives me a one up I guess? Some confidence..

Then comes the ice breaker. We are partnered up and have to find out enough about the other person to come up with a strap line for them (a short snappy sentence to sum up who they are).

It circles round to me and my partner has come up with - 'An intensive life is her cup of tea'. That's when my programme leader recognises my name and starts to console me about working and studying spurting out phrases like 'it's possible' and 'been done before' and 'it's going to be really hard but' - feeling comforted yes, she was lovely, but I can't deny I am now a little less confident.

To be honest I was wavered. I was shaky. I was considering quitting my job even and planning how I would survive and which items in my front room would need packing first to move into my parents home again.

It didn't help that 'the cool kids' seemed to look at me like I was certified insane - I felt it.

Once I managed to hang out with the cool crowd on a break they told me I was mad, looked at me terrified for themselves and heir own journey thinking 'FUCK' and then realising well actually she's got it worse... If she can do it... Can she do it? It was written all over their faces.

Needless to say I was having doubts about my abilities after this odd first day at school, I mean uni.

After a few days recovery and stressful days at work I've been floating around the idea I might not last in my job and that if I have to my masters will come first. But that's a truly scary thought. Not just because I'd be losing money but experience. And clients I love, and friends I adore. As much as the job drives me to the edge of a cliff I've never actually jumped off..

On that basis I'm forcing myself slightly unwillingly away from said cliffs edge and back to my PMA (that cheesy way f saying positive mental attitude)!!

I can smash it. I will do it. I hope. Watch this space anyway!

Ageism. The struggle is real.

I am 23 years old and may feel and act like an 18 or even 16 year old from time to time.

However when I am with clients and colleagues I act professionally and respect everyone for their ability and not their age. I know that an accountant transferring into PR will struggle with writing and need to start from the bottom (as though they are a graduate). I know that a marketing graduate is going to know how to pull a strategy document together better than someone who has worked in journalism for 15 years. I know that someone with an English degree is a better writer than someone with a degree in Marketing.

I know all of these things and so like I said I judge a person on their abilities not their appearance or age.

As a young 23 year old girl working her way up in the PR and marketing industry I never once thought I would be held back by my age. I never thought I'd be patronised because I look so young. But I am.

It's so strange to think that the fact I look 20-23 (being modest here of course) affects the way clients look at me and my work.

If my boss makes a spelling error in his emails, well, that's just fine, he's the boss. If even my senior makes a spelling error, well, it was an easy mistake to make. But me? No I have to be the most maticulous speller, I have to take up time checking over every emails for typos because I am young, a junior if you will.

It doesn't seem to matter that I am experienced, well trained in my industry's methods, street smart, comfortable with client facing and interviewing - of course not.

What matters is my age. I'm young and if I'm ever down or actually say something negative to a client to manage their expectations well, I'm young. What do I know? Surely the boss knows better, he's older and more experienced right? Perhaps, but when I've already consulted him because I'm smart enough to do that, you're going to get the same answer I'm afraid.

It's insulting to be told that my client is 'concerned' about my 'negative attitude' because I'm so young.

It's insulting to be called 'young lady' and hear clients say they have some 'little jobs' that I can do.

It's insulting when I'm told a piece of work was a real 'learning curve' for me because evidently I knew nothing before...

It's insulting to have my opinions dismissed on a matter only to them be proved right when someone a few years older than me is asked for theirs..

Ageism in every industry is very real. It exists and is ignored.

I never thought it would bother me. But it does.

My talents are over looked. My degree forgotten. My opinions dismissed. My every move and typo monitored. My attitude charted.

Even though I understand it - it doesn't make it right, right?

I demand respect based on my experience, skill set and abilities please. Not my youthful language, my lack of wrinkles or my style of clothing.

Thank you one and all!