New ventures into madness

Happy Friday kids and welcome to another rant/thought of mine.

I've entered this week into a new challenge - a challenge in every sense of the word.

I am beginning study for my masters degree this week. Whilst I embark on this intensive one year course which is in essence going to make me a master in something, I'll also be working part time at the ever intensive job I have as a PR exec where I manage my own accounts and have my boss looking over my shoulder like a hawk.

So that's where I'm at. Honestly when I came up with this plan, I had no doubt I'd smash it out of the park. Sure people did this kind of thing all the time to support themselves I thought I was actually kind of a genius.

Then I went to my induction...

Everyone is a graduate for one thing. All 20 odd d them are fresh faced grads from mostly academic and media courses. I am studying advertsing basically and did marketing as my undergrad and myself and another girl with the same hair cut and colour as me and some gorgeous Brazilian fashionista who studied PR seem to be the only ones with a clue about marketing.

That gives me a one up I guess? Some confidence..

Then comes the ice breaker. We are partnered up and have to find out enough about the other person to come up with a strap line for them (a short snappy sentence to sum up who they are).

It circles round to me and my partner has come up with - 'An intensive life is her cup of tea'. That's when my programme leader recognises my name and starts to console me about working and studying spurting out phrases like 'it's possible' and 'been done before' and 'it's going to be really hard but' - feeling comforted yes, she was lovely, but I can't deny I am now a little less confident.

To be honest I was wavered. I was shaky. I was considering quitting my job even and planning how I would survive and which items in my front room would need packing first to move into my parents home again.

It didn't help that 'the cool kids' seemed to look at me like I was certified insane - I felt it.

Once I managed to hang out with the cool crowd on a break they told me I was mad, looked at me terrified for themselves and heir own journey thinking 'FUCK' and then realising well actually she's got it worse... If she can do it... Can she do it? It was written all over their faces.

Needless to say I was having doubts about my abilities after this odd first day at school, I mean uni.

After a few days recovery and stressful days at work I've been floating around the idea I might not last in my job and that if I have to my masters will come first. But that's a truly scary thought. Not just because I'd be losing money but experience. And clients I love, and friends I adore. As much as the job drives me to the edge of a cliff I've never actually jumped off..

On that basis I'm forcing myself slightly unwillingly away from said cliffs edge and back to my PMA (that cheesy way f saying positive mental attitude)!!

I can smash it. I will do it. I hope. Watch this space anyway!