handshaking

When are handshakes appropriate?

For a guy it seems like it's always okay but for a woman only in a professional situ will you see us shake hands. Is that right? I don't know.
I do know, that they aren't appropriate next to the broccoli on a Sunday in the supermarket.

See I have this tendency to misread situations. Not vocal situations or sarcasm or anything like that but physical situations. Let me explain...

I always find myself asking questions like 'Are we going to hug now or would that be weird? Will it be weird cause I am at least a foot taller than you?' I swear I can't be the only one with this problem! More often than not when I hear my inner voice repeating these questions over and over in potentially awkward situations. I always pick the wrong option and end up in a warm embrace with a cardboard cut out of the person that once stood before me.

Back to handshakes, this one time, not in band camp but in my local Morribobs, I was with my mum, brother, niece and sister in law doing a quick basket shop. My and my brother were browsing in the veggie aisle when we saw mum talking to some strange woman. We quickly realised we both knew her face but didn't actually know who she was - often the case with mum's friends. My brother pointed out he thought she was an old neighbour, which seemed right but we soon discovered he was wrong.

Mum came over to us with this not-so-strange woman, grinning ear to ear, and I found myself utterly perplexed, thinking 'Who are you?!' So mum starts introducing her to my sister in law and niece then as she points to my brother with a proud smile the woman gestures towards him with her hand, she does the same to my neice and then my mum starts to talk about me and this familar faced lady turns to me.

I start to panic, feel my palms sweat, mum hasn't said her name, am I supposed to know it? Her arm is still stuck out and suddenly I see this arm by the side of me, hand going towards hers. I realise it's mine but it's too late, I'm already shaking her hand.

One sweaty handshake later, she says her hellos and goodbyes, coos at my niece and walks off. I look around at my family to see sheer bewilderment. Them all waiting for me to explain my actions. Turns out she has known me since nursery and she is the mother of my best friend through primary school.

Wait, what just happened?